Boyfriend Hunting Where the Men Are

Boyfriend Hunting: Where the Men Are
So youre on the prowl for a boyfriend hunting for Mr. Right to potentially build a lasting and fulfilling relationship? You feel like youve got your head on straight your life is in order and youre ready and available for love. Perfect! The most important pre-requisite thats needed before embarking out into the dating jungle is a solid sense of self an understanding of your needs and values and a psychological readiness and maturity for navigating through a variety of interpersonal situations and relationship issues. Youre equipped motivated excited… so where in the world do you find those quality guys to get acquainted with?!
As gay men it can be a bit more challenging in our quest for potential dating partners since were not always easily recognizable that is unless youve got a finely-tuned sense of “gaydar.” We dont have a rubber stamp with the word “GAY” printed on our foreheads to cause us to stand out from the crowd so knowing who its safe to approach can be made more difficult than our heterosexual counterparts face. But it is not impossible for as the saying goes: “We are everywhere!” This article will offer possible settings that will increase your chances for meeting other gay men as well as to provide some practical tips for approaching these venues.
Attraction Venues
According to David SteeleM.A. and Marvin CohenM.A. from The Relationship Coaching Institute (*)in their program for relationship success training for singles attraction venues are places and activities to meet potential dating partners and there are four levels:
Level 1: Public Places. These are places such as malls festivals banks grocery stores etc. Its possible to meet someone compatible in these places but not likely because theres such a large diversity of people to pool through.
Level 2: Generic Singles Settings. These would include bars singles clubs personal ads; places where you would specifically expect to find singles congregating. The odds are increased for meeting someone in these venues but can still be difficult to find “qualified” partners.
Level 3: Special Interest Settings. Sports clubs fitness classes targeted workshops on a particular topic etc. An even better place to meet people because youre living your life doing something that you enjoy with other like-minded people already giving you something in common to build from. These are great places to make new friends too!
Level 4: Shared Mission Sites. This is the best venue to meet your life partner because its a place where the people have a shared sense of values purpose and passion which are important ingredients for relationship success. Places like churches service clubs and personal growth venues would be examples of such settings where they act as a community with mutual support and involvement.
You can meet the man of your dreams in any of these venues however the more aligned the venue is with who you are and what youre looking for the higher probability of success exists. Choose to involve yourself in settings that will attract the type of men you want to affiliate with.
Top 5 Places to Meet Gay Men
Through interviews and polls taken with clients and men in the gay community the following are the top popular picks for meeting potential guys for dating and mating.
1.Gay Bars & Dance Clubs: While these may be obvious places that gay men can flock to be careful. You can meet a lot of nice guys in these venues however the environment can be highly sexualized and prone to draw men who abuse drugs or alcohol and are only “cruising” for sex. If youre seeking a boyfriend be clear on that and screen the men you meet carefully.
2.Personal Ads & Internet Chatrooms: Whether it be newspaper or telephone ads online personals or dating services these can be ideal places to search for men particularly for those who have extra-busy lifestyles or who dont live in large gay urban areas. These ads are a great way to creatively spell out exactly what youre looking for. Always meet in a public place if it gets that far and dont rely solely on this method at the expense of live human contact and social interaction.
3.Volunteering: Get to know the resources and organizations available in your nearest gay community and volunteer your time to some that resonate with and are meaningful to you. Examples might include The Human Rights Campaign gay youth groups gay community centers and health clinics task forces etc.
4.Friends: Build your gay social support system and expand your gay friendship circle. The more people you know the more people your friends might be able to introduce you to. Lots of fulfilling relationships have started from “set-ups” by friends. It doesnt always work out but friends can be a valuable resource because they know you and your interests.
5.Gay-Themed Events: Pride parades and festivals drag queen shows gay theatrical productions charity events classes and workshops with gay topics parties gay support groups church activities gay trade shows gay speed dating events etc.
Also dont forget other places such as coffee shops beaches work business networking events restaurants art galleries museums and health clubs as other possible gay guy meeting places.
Dating Tips for the Hunt
·Meeting Mr. Right takes careful planning and preparation; its typically not always a spontaneous out-of-the-blue experience. Know yourself and what you believe in and stand for as well as what youre looking for. Ensure that youre emotionally available and ready for a possible relationship.
·Be friendly open receptive and assertive when socializing. Your life partner could be anywhere so dont limit yourself exclusively to certain meeting places. Expand your horizons and be open to new possibilities.
·Avoid expecting every encounter to lead somewhere. Not every hot guy you meet is Mr. Right. Use your screening skills and assess true goodness-of-fit.
·Dont let dating consume your life. Live your life in a balanced and fulfilling way. Be happily single.
·Defeat negative thinking that could undermine your confidence in social situations. Be affirming toward yourself and let each experience be a new learning opportunity to help you improve yourself and your approaches.
So there you have it! Mr. Right is anywhere and everywhere; you just need the readiness and emotional reserves to take the risks inherent in meeting new people. While dating venues can be important in helping you increase the odds of finding a good match the most important ingredients are what you bring to the table. As long as you bring a positive attitude strong self-esteem good social skills and an upbeat and assertive demeanor to the playing field your chances of narrowing the market down and having a triumphant hunt for your future husband are great. Dont delay… boyfriend hunting season opens now!
*Reference: Steele David & Cohen Marvin (2003). Conscious Dating: Relationship Success Training For Singles. Relationship Coaching Institute. and
© 2005 Brian L. Rzepczynski
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR E-ZINE OR WEBSITE? This article can be reprinted freely online as long as the entire article and this resource box are included:
Brian Rzepczynski Certified Personal Life Coach is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples as well as to check out current coaching groups programsand teleclasses please visit
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