New Year

New Year
Probably the number one question I get asked most often by gay couples is unsurprisingly “How do I make my relationship better?” So in line with the holiday and beginning of a New Year I thought Id write a short blurb that lists some possible action steps you might take to improve your partnership in the coming year. Weve all heard of making personal New Years Resolutions like “Im going to lose weight this year” or “Im going to go to the health club more often” but what would happen if we expanded upon that concept and created Resolutions for our relationships as couples?
With our busy lifestyles and excessive demands placed upon our time it can be very easy to take our relationships for granted and unconsciously place them on the low end of our priority scales. And with those couples who have been together for a long time its even easier to settle into comfortable routines and patterns (as if on auto-pilot) at the expense of attending to and nurturing our relationship with our partners. This neglect is a primary reason for relationship discord boredom and a host of other problems that begin to erode at the foundation of our bonds as lovers/husbands.
Catapult Your Relationship In The New Year!
Conscious intention toward putting consistent energy into your relationship is crucial for its longevity and success. So why not as a couple create your own list of New Years Resolutions for your relationship and make sure to attend to the items on your list. In fact the actual act of the two of you sitting down and developing a list would be a great first item something the two of you could creatively do that fosters togetherness and mutual brainstorming on ways to super-charge your connection. In essence the two of you are creating a vision for your relationship and the pure act of doing that begins to cement more intimacy between you as you have common goals to strive toward and celebrate the successes along the way.
Need some help creating some Resolutions? While itll have more meaning and substance if you and your partner can create your own heres some examples that you might use; they might even spark some additional ideas of your own! Have at it and enjoy the process!
Sample Relationship New Years Resolutions
“For this year 2006 we as a couple resolve to do the following for the benefit and growth of our relationship…”
1. To listen to each other without interrupting as a way to improve our communication and validate each others perspectives on issues.
2. To take notice of the “little things” we do and to acknowledge our observation of these things as a way to keep giving each other positive strokes.
3. To make more time for each other and restructure our schedules so that we have more quality time and availability to go out on dates and enjoy each other.
4. To make love to each other with more passion intensity and creativity.
5. To create a scrapbook of memories of our life together that will act as a legacy of our relationship.
6. To make sure that we have some kind of dialogue on a daily basis that keeps us centered on each other and keeps the distractions of our lives at bay.
7. To surprise each other with simple adorations of our love for each other whether it be flowers sent to the office or a love note slipped in our briefcases.
8. To attend personal growth workshops couples retreats sign up for relationship coaching sessions or read books that will help us keep growing and developing as a couple.
9. To make more friends and surround ourselves with positive people who will affirm and support our relationship.
10.To work through any self-esteem issues or internalized homophobia that either one of us may have that interfere with us being able to show the world that we are proud to be gay and a couple.
11.To say “I love you” more often and take “Time-Outs” as needed when were angry so we dont escalate problems and say things that will hurt one another.
12.To ensure that we each have both an individual identity and an identity as a couple to bring about more balance/health to our partnership. Having outside interests hobbies and passions will help bring more novelty and freshness to our lives.
13. To be honest and direct with our feelings and needs instead of keeping things to ourselves. We also will avoid placing blame on each other and will acknowledge mistakes and take responsibility accordingly.
And the list can go on and on. Fine-tune these as well as the ones youve come up with so that they are specific concrete and measurable. This way you both know exactly what you have to do to accomplish the goals youve set because theyre spelled out with no “wiggle-room” for sabotage and youll ensure that theyre achievable. Prioritize your items and only focus on a few initially so as not to get too overwhelmed.
Maintain these tasks and your commitment will soar to new heights! Reward yourselves for jobs well done and periodically assess and check-in with each other to gauge how youre doing and if any revisions or additions need to be made. Happy New Year and all the best with your new relationship goals and objectives!
©2006 Brian L. Rzepczynski
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Brian Rzepczynski Certified Personal Life Coach is The Gay Love Coach: “I work with gay men who are ready to create a road map that will lead them to find and build a lasting partnership with Mr. Right.” To sign up for the FREE Gay Love Coach Newsletter filled with dating and relationship tips and skills for gay singles and couples as well as to check out current coaching groups programs and teleclasses please visit
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